Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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