weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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