Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
