I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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