Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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