sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
