it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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