Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
