im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
