i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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