I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
