i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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