They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
