She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
