I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
