I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
