Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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