Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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