I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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