bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
