Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
