Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
