I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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