she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
