i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
