As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
