I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
