She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
