I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
