I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
