Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
did i just pee glitter
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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