Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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