My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
