my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
