How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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