i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
