seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
