When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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