he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
