Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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