He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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