I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
