I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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