how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
