Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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