my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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