Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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