i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
