From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
