Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
