he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
