So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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