You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
where are my eyebrows?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
